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The TriadCity Adventurer
All the News that Causes Fits
Obituaries
Vynx.
Killed in self-defense by a Credit Union teller.
Ssriye.
Killed by a Blackshirt slave group leader.
Ela.
Killed by a Blackshirt slave group leader.
bobic.
Killed in self-defense by a Credit Union teller.
Syle.
The Silken FreeBlade and the only known Sludge Elf in TriadCity. Died in
the Southern Third. Security records show that after a misunderstanding with
the Cashier Bot at the Brain Trust (Gray Plaza), Syle was attacked by the robot
in question. As he attempted to escape the violent robot, a powerful blue beam
shot him down and killed him instantly. Is is the opinion of this reporter
that this was the result of a BugLite malfunction. Syle will be missed by all.
The Drunken Texan of the Casino NorthEast was heard to comment, "Dawt-Dang,
if that don' jus' beat all! That skinny fellah was th' best damn [friend] ah
ever hayd! Th' nex' rhound's onnnnn me!"
Nadal.
Death by spider.
Adamus.
Death by Sylvan Archer.
Bonanno.
Killed by Stormtrooper. Those who live by the sword.
Much missed by his colleages
in the Pancratic League.
Seiya.
Killed in self-defense by Francois Prelati.
Calid.
Killed at level 19 by a Skeleton inside an open grave,
TriadCity Lawns. The first Game Warden lost, much mourned
by all.
ElleBaroda.
Death by Sylvan Archer.
Aramia.
Killed in self-defense by the Town Crier, who said, feelingly,
"Boo hoo hoo!"
miztress.
Killed by toddler arachnids, who were heard to comment,
"Yummmmm..."
Prinzess.
Killed by a robot soldier in the Park South.
abelardo.
Death by dump rat.
vowerty.
Killed by the same jumprope-holding child who bumped-off Niko.
They grow 'em tough up there in NorthWest.
Indari.
Killed by a female shopper, Black Plaza.
Looks like those neighborhood self-defense classes really do
pay off.
KEhleyr.
Killed by a Knight of Gnosis in what was certainly one of the
more ill-considered acts of violence on this list.
Falidar.
Another victim of vicious Troy, the hapless football player
in the Park South. What you get for picking on small children.
qwert9.
Killed by a group of slave gardeners inside the Park
NorthEast.
Lynch.
Killed by a tame bee inside the Park NorthWest.
Ander.
Death by Ghast.
Shada.
Killed by a Sylvan Archer.
Calvin.
Killed by Edna, who's finally had about enough, thank
you very much.
En.
Killed by Blackshirt slave group leader.
Korith.
Death by dump rat.
Nano.
Death by dump rat.
Gorgo.
Death by Sylvan Archer.
Niko.
Killed by a child holding a jumprope inside the Park
NorthWest. Which seems somehow an appropriate end for
a chanteuse.
Kelvin.
Death by vampire.
Vandal.
Killed by a Drunken Texan, which seems somehow poetic in
a Wild West kinda way.
matsu.
Killed by a Ghoul inside an open grave, TriadCity Lawns.
Trigion.
Death by Stormtrooper.
Chance.
Killed by a Ghast inside an open grave, TriadCity Lawns.
usually.
Death by Stormtrooper.
Tomalak.
Killed by Antipathy, who enjoyed it very much.
Astartes.
Death by Sylvan Archer.
Maul.
Death by Sylvan Archer.
Sacrow.
Death by sewer rat.
Bandit.
Death by Sylvan Archer.
Saru.
Killed by a Guardian Wolf outside the Temple of Night.
Switchblade.
Killed by a Stormtrooper. It's the ones with the
toughest-sounding names who die the youngest.
Canman.
Killed in self-defense by a janitor bot, which commented,
"Meep."
IceHouse.
Killed by a pigeon in one of the siller deaths ever
recorded. Well, coulda been a flea...
Andor.
Death by dump rat.
Aurelio.
Killed by a Skelton inside TriadCity Lawns.
Kinto.
Killed by a Skelton inside TriadCity Lawns.
Muentzer.
Killed by a Guardian Wolf outside the Temple of Night.
Zee.
Killed by Zagny.
Destro.
Killed by the Laughing God, who commented to reporters,
"Heh heh, heh heh, ho ho, heh heh heh."
Grendler.
Killed by a cashier bot during a botched hold up attempt.
Gilad.
Killed by Mark the musician on Blueberry Hill, who commented
despondantly, "All I want is to make people happy..."
denveromelet.
Killed by the Universal Toot Shop receptionist, who felt it
was about time he got one before they got him.
Mellulous.
Killed by a Guardian Wolf of the Temple of Night.
Slithe.
Killed by rats. It's said there were more than fifty rat corpses
piled in the room where Slithe died.
Ximenes.
Killed by a Stormtrooper, who said to our reporter, "He
kept mumbling about there being diverse elements amongst his
weaponry... <shrug>"
Raith.
Killed in self-defense by a child playing Sally in the
Well. Commented the young gladiator, "We get these all the
time. Think they can pick on the young and weak. Fooled 'em."
Paolo.
Killed in self-defense by the Universal Toot Shop receptionist
during an apparent robbery attempt. Crime analysts at the scene
suggested Paolo might have forgotten to wear his armor.
Lowkey.
Killed by a Sylvan Archer.
Dranion.
Killed by a pigeon. It's those ones who don't read the welcome
sign who get weeded the fastest.
Alphonse.
Killed by a cashier bot. One of the great ones is gone.
Facial.
Killed by a Sylvan Archer. Perhaps because she didn't like the name
"Facial".
LadyShady.
Killed by a Stormtrooper after reportedly failing an attempt
to pickpocket a citizen. "Shady", as her friends called
her, was one of the City's most beloved visitors. She'll be greatly
missed.
Dragor.
Killed in self-defense by a NorthWest janitor.
JohnnyBravo.
Killed while savagely attacking a child playing Sally Water. Looks
like he didn't read the welcome sign...
DeadToRights.
Killed while savagely attacking a child playing jumprope. Looks
like he got the "Dead" part right, anyway.
Jaelyn.
Killed while attempting to rob a Lost Child.
Jet.
Killed in self-defense by a Blackshirt Slave Group Leader, who is
reported to have commented, "Bring 'em on!"
Silvestro.
Another crippling loss by the Mob. Silvestro was widely considered
a friendly and gentlemanly Mobster. He'll be missed by criminals and
non-criminals alike.
Lorenzo.
Another Mobster, who died a violent death after a short life of
crime. Killed by the Universal Toot Shop receptionist during
a failed robbery attempt.
Paulo.
Hunted down and killed by a NorthEast Stormtrooper, who
commented, "'e'd been into quite a bit o'mischief, that one.
I 'ope that's a lesson to all 'is ilk."
Anjeyus.
Killed while attempting to rob a Pigeon Hunter.
Antaq.
Killed in self defense by a NorthWest Gardener.
Morticus.
Killed attempting to rob a Gardener Bot, Southern Third. Details are sketchy,
the bot commenting only, "Meep."
Filiornis.
Killed in self-defense by a trembling Deathsucker. Filiornis
left behind a good number of notes threatening to leave the City for good,
suggesting the death may have been a suicide. His departure was not a surprise
to many veterans, one of whom commented, "He seemed to be perpetually
confused."
BS.
Killed by a patrolling Sylvan Archer. (No, really.)
Huldrych.
Died at the hands of a Sylvan Archer, committing an unknown crime.
Huldrych was a well-known visitor who will be missed by all.
Pendor.
Killed in unspecified circumstances by a Stormtrooper.
Grangyloo.
Killed by a rabid Beastly Fido. Someone should do something
about those critters.
KnightRose.
Killed in self-defense by a Body Piercing Artist, in the
White Plaza.
Bast.
Reportedly killed in self-defense by Sulu, although, naturally,
there are no remains to identify.
Lionheart.
Killed in self-defense by a Blackshirt Slave Group Leader, who noted,
"I enjoyed the practice very much."
NecroPete.
Killed in self-defense by a Hummingbird, who flittered away before
it could be asked for details.
Brainy.
Killed in self-defense by Simon, who merely sighed, and shrugged,
and dodged some falling garbage when asked to comment.
Braino.
Mauled to death by a Beastly Fido, which suggests that perhaps a
more appropriate name might have been Not-Quite-Such-A-Braino-As-All-That.
BuuBoBo.
Died at the hands of a NorthWest janitor, who knows trash when
he sees it.
ericman.
Killed in a botched attack on Edna, an inoffensive artist
in the NorthWest Third. Edna herself was too shaken to comment,
but her companion, noted Post Impressionist Suzanne, scowled
angrily at the mention of his name.
Jonas.
Killed -- alas! -- by Nervous Nell, the Deathsucker
merchant in the Black Plaza. Jonas' intimate knowledge of
the inner workings of the Mob will be greatly missed here
at The Adventurer, especially when writing Mob obits.
Trian.
Killed by a Stormtrooper, who commented, "Heh, heh, heh."
Jaems.
Jaems, a.k.a. Smokes, the current Domisso Mob Boss was savagely murdered
near the Cathedral of Light subway station during a botched robbery. Details are
sketchy and the only witness was a custodian. When asked what happened, the
custodian simply shrugged and swept up the corpse. Jaems' only family, a
younger brother Fohn, was killed in an unrelated attack. He had
only a few friends and will be missed. Sources say if not for his Evil ways
he would still be with us. ~Jonas
Belrkon.
Died at the hands of Little Bugsy, who must now be some sort of
legendary hero in the grammar school criminal underground.
Taxxot.
Killed in futile combat with a Blackshirt slave group leader.
Didn't Fohn tell him what happened to him?
Fohn.
Killed in futile combat with a Blackshirt slave group leader.
So young, so young.
elrouk.
Killed in self-defense by Troy, playing football with his
family. Troy may not be NFL material, but he remembers his
kung-fu self-defense lessons. This is Troy's second kill; his
mother Judy quoted herself by repeating, "Troy! Troy!
He's our man! If he can't do it, no-one can!"
Verlk.
Killed by a puppy, who commented, "arf!" and licked
the reporter's hand.
Xavk.
Killed by a pigeon. Must not have read the welcome sign.
Jeho.
Killed by an Arachnid Infant in the Forest of Silver Threads.
rectal.
Stupid name, stupid death. Killed by Les, a dad, playing
football with his family. Which just goes to show something
or other.
Chad.
Killed in self-defense by a Pigeon Hunter.
Vincent.
Legendary founder and Capo of The Mob, killed by Sulu
in self-defense. He lived fast, died young, and presumably
would have made an attractive corpse, if it hadn't been
vaporized by Sulu's phaser.
AshenShugar.
Interesting name. Boring death: killed by a Pigeon Hunter in
self-defense.
franz.
Killed by Jack Dawkins.
Kieran.
Killed in self-defense by a NorthWest janitor.
Mert.
Mert, Heir to Nasnia, died in the Palace of Night, under
mysterious circumstances. There were no eyewitnesses, but a resident
Accuser said, "I heard a muffled curse, than a resounding SMASH, and
everything was quiet." Another added, "I thought some fool tourist had
wandered in, and I wanted to get my share, so I ran in." The body was
found in front of the statue at the center of the Palace, with a
fragmented skull. The Accusers say the statue was responsible, and no
further explanation can be found. -aLokii
Avataru.
Died mysteriously inside the
Forest of Silver Threads. Details are sketchy; all that is currently
known for certain is that his death was caused by Arachnid Toddlers.
Please be careful in there.
Hardin.
Died foolishly attacking a Ranger Apprentice.
Swarm.
Killed in self-defense by a citizen playing turf angels,
in the Park South.
Aramil.
Killed in self-defense by St. Simon the Stylite, who commented,
"I wish no harm to anyone. I wish to be left alone, to pray
and fast here in my place of refuge. Why must this be?"
An investigating Stormtrooper noted, "Skinny little bugger's
tougher than 'ee looks, eh? We'll keep that in mind."
VahnMerquise.
Died fighting Arachnid Infants. We at Obits offer our heartfelt
condolences to all of VahnMerquise's many friends. Please be
careful everybody.
Herme.
Killed in self-defense by Nervous Nell, Black Plaza merchant.
When asked for comment, Nell replied, "N-n-n-o, it it it it
was n-n-n-n-not my f-f-f-f-fault. S-s-s-s-s-self defense.
W-w-w-w-witnesses. Hon-hon-hon-hon...really."
journeyman.
Killed in self-defense by a child playing jump-rope.
Zrath.
Killed in a mad attempt to fight the Statue of Seb, inside the Tree of Life.
Obeekbee.
We at Obits are saddened to announce the death of Obeekbee, one of the
City's best-loved friends. Obeekbee died fighting Arachnid Toddlers:
yet another martyr to these deadly creatures. Please be careful. She'll
be greatly missed.
Kander.
Died at the hands of a Pigeon Hunter, near the entrance to the Black
Bridge, NorthEast Third. The hunter commented to reporters,
"Sharp stick, eh?"
zoik.
Killed in self-defense by a janitor in the NorthWest Third.
It's been suggested that zoik was merely trying to discover if
the janitor teaches the Hit Skill, accidentally typing
"hit janitor" instead of "learn hit janitor".
We at Obits suggest use of the
Skills
command instead: "skills janitor".
Keenan.
Killed in self-defense by a cashier slave at Put the Boot In,
Black Plaza Mall. Details are sketchy. The slave refused to
comment, noting, "My Mistress don' 'low me to talk to
no newspaper."
Korban.
Killed while savagely attacking a doe in the Barmalindar forest.
(Who'd attack a poor little doe?)
Motus.
Another victim of arachnid toddlers, inside the Silver Forest. Motus
was a Hermetic Mystic, respected by all as one of the City's most
intelligent and well-educated adepts. He'll be sorely missed by friends
and colleagues alike.
Lancer.
Killed in self-defense by a Gardener Bot, inside the Park South.
It's not at all clear why someone would attack an inoffensive Gardener Bot,
whose only comment to reporters was, "meep".
rundu.
Killed in self-defense by a small child playing Sally in the Well, inside the
Park NorthWest.
nonamaniz.
Killed in self-defense by Evie's pet garden snake, in a rare act of
violence in this otherwise peaceful neighborhood. Asked for comment, the snake
merely curled up around the reporter's knees and went to sleep.
borg.
Killed in self-defense by a receptionist at the Universal Toot Shop,
Black Plaza, NorthEast Third. A local NorthEast officer of the law commented at the
scene, "Maybe shoulda waited for the rest of the
Collective to arrive. Ha ha ha ha ha!"
EvilThing.
Killed by a Blackshirt slave group leader under unknown circumstances.
Reno.
Killed in self-defense by a shopper on the Black Plaza.
Sephiroth.
Killed in self-defense by a meditating Zelator inside the Tree of Life, in a very
rare act of violence inside this normally peaceful place.
Silvis.
Killed in self-defense by a Janitor Bot west of Gray Plaza. It's not at all clear why
someone would attack an inoffensive Janitor Bot. Whether unfortunately or, perhaps,
fortunately, Silvis is no longer around to ask.
Alahn.
Killed in self-defense by a bat inside the Black Plaza. When asked for comment, a
neighborhood Stormtrooper replied, "heh heh heh."
Alibi.
Killed by a Blackshirt slave group leader under mysterious circumstances.
Shirrah.
Killed in the silver forest after a moment of blind
panic led her to continue moving despite her injuries. The spiders
unfortunately tracked her and slew her not far from escape. Sunni,
who was with her at the time, said "I'm just in shock! Shirrah
was there, and then gone...so quickly. I will miss my elf-sister
greatly". I only hope you will learn from her death,
and will remember to take care in the silver forest. ~TelGar
Lictoreus.
Killed by a Sylvan Archer while committing an unspecified crime.
hitman.
Killed in self-defense by Judy, an everyday housemom playing touch football with her
family in the Park South. Which goes to show that maybe being a "hitman"
isn't the greatest idea.
Nadie.
In testament to the overt violent nature of the Northeast Third, an overseer
lashed out and killed Nadie, an aspiring Accuser. The only witnesses were
a slave gang, who declined to comment after pointed glances in the direction of
the aforementioned overseer's whip. Word on the street is that Nadie was viciously
attacking a flea, which may have been a personal friend of the overseer. An Accuser
at the Palace of Night referred to Nadie as "a scrounging suckup" and
added, "good riddance, anyways -- weaklings aren't wanted here."
May she rest in peace. --aLokii, Reporter of TriadCity
LordAgular.
Met his demise in the Forest of Silver Threads.
His fiancée Sunni had this
to say, with tears in her eyes, "I will miss his presence greatly. I
do not have a body to bury, or a marker to remember him by, but he will
forever be in my heart and my thoughts. And I know that somewhere, his
spirit will be re-incarnated and I will find my love again." TelGar,
editor of The Adventurer, notes,
"Learn from his example, the City holds many dangers, even for those of strength."
Shalinea.
Killed by an Arachnid Infant somewhere in the spider maze.
No body was recovered.
Alariana.
Killed in self-defense by a shopper on the Black Plaza.
TelGar, editor of The Adventurer, commented "Hmmm,
seems as though people aren't reading the obituaries!"
Velasca.
Killed in self-defense by Troy, playing family football, in the
Park South. Troy declined our invitation to comment; but his
mother Judy said, "Troy! Troy! He's our man! If he can't
do it, no-one can!"
Agular.
Killed by Arachnid Toddlers somewhere in the spider maze.
Agular claimed to be an exile from another world,
rising his way toward demi-godhood. There were no witnesses
to his death, but footprints and other forensic evidence suggest
that, fatigued by battles with Arachnid Infants, Agular wandered
by mistake into the heart of the spider maze, where he was attacked
repeatedly by wandering Toddlers as he attempted to Flee.
Mythire.
Killed in self-defense by a shopper on the Black Plaza.
Police are investigating this rash of attacks on peace-loving
consumers in the Black Plaza area.
gadget.
Killed in self-defense by a shopper on the Black Plaza.
No details are known, but the shopper did comment,
"Outta my way, asshole!".
SioneldJ.
Killed in self-defense by Evie beneath the Tree of Life.
SioneldJ was an Elven Ranger, much loved by her friends and by the
entire community. The reasons for
her attack on Evie are unclear. When interviewed, Evie,
still distraught, cried, "I don't know why anyone would
attack me. I think she was trying to practice 'flee'. But
why pick on me? Poor, poor thing." Shirrah is accepting
condolences on behalf of her lamented colleague.
ThunderTrick.
Killed in self-defense by a puppy on the White Plaza. As no
witnesses were present, reasons for ThunderTrick's attack on
a puppy are unknown. The puppy's only comment to reporters was,
"arf!"
Cake.
Killed in self-defense by a pigeon in the Park NE. This senseless
loss remains
under investigation. When asked for comment, the pigeon looked
up reproachfully and fluttered into the next room.
Thunder.
Killed in self-defense by Jack Dawkins, perhaps in an argument over
property.
Antidote.
Killed in self-defense by Simon, who commented, "I mean
only good for the people. Yet they rain garbage on my home; they
send police to arrest my listeners. Now this attack. Why?"
NorthEast authorities noted on condition of anonymity, "It's
only a matter of time before someone offs that troublemaker."
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